My friend wrote and published a book in only nine weeks, and I confess – I am jealous! Let me clarify, in my true self – what I call my essential nature – I’m delighted for her and super inspired by her process.  However, that niggling, insecure and self-critical aspect of me, better known as my ego, is fuming. It rants….”Why haven’t I published a book, I know how to do everything she’s doing, what’s wrong with me?” 

The truth is, I’m not supposed to be publishing a book right now. If I was, it would be happening. Instead, I get to use my ego’s reaction as another opportunity to better know myself, and then share what I learn with you. The irony that I’m writing about not writing isn’t lost on me!

In the world of Human Design, my friend is a Generator. Generators have access to steady and sustainable energy. They are designed to stay with a project they love until they master it. She loves to write; as a Generator she has the capacity to fully immerse herself in this exhaustive project until it’s complete. She can dedicate hours and hours to writing, rewriting, building her platform and a new website – all the those interwoven elements that will ensure the success of her book.

I’m a Projector, and I can’t do that! My energy comes and goes. Unlike hers, it’s not steady or sustainable. It’s whimsical and not always reliable. I’ve noticed that when I do what brings me joy, I have lots of energy, at least for a while. When I do what I think I should do, it evades me. Worse, I lose energy or sometimes I get sick. For instance, when I honor my Projector self, I write for a while, then take a break – see a client, rest or take a walk. During the break I receive more inspiration which I bring back to my next burst of writing.

Here’s another example of the machinations the ego: As many of you know, I have already written two books, one is published and one is an eBook! However, my ego doesn’t want to give me credit for that.

So, let’s return to that ranting ego. I will do my best to give you a simple description of something quite complex. 

The concept ‘ego’ has been tossed around in psychological, philosophical and spiritual circles, and given a very bad rap; sometimes it’s viewed as something to be gotten rid of. In my view, the ego is an amazing structure we created to protect our body, an amazing vehicle that houses our essential nature. The ego is designed to drive a car, go grocery shopping, know how and when to cross the street. In other words, it keeps us safe as we navigate through the world. We don’t want to get rid of the ego, we just want to make sure it’s doing what it was created to do. 

Alas, for many of us, the ego isn’t doing what it’s supposed to. It’s mistakenly taken on the role it can never fulfill – that of our essential nature. In trying to be what it is not, it causes a LOT of suffering.

Ra Uru Hu, the founder of Human Design, cultivated the term ‘not self.’ For me, the ‘not self’ is equivalent to the ego. The ‘not self’ is who we mistakenly take ourselves to be, but It’s not who we truly are. From the moment we’re born (and even in utero) we are conditioned by our environment. Our parents, siblings, friends, school system, culture, etc. influence us. The more energetically ‘open’ we are, the more we absorb and download the thinking, emotions and behavior of others, until over time we lose touch with our true nature. Our ‘not self’ ego thinks it knows how to take care of us, but it can’t, because it’s not who we really are. It’s a composite of all our conditioning!

Does this make sense for you? What a dilemma! The good news is…..There are wonderful ways to dissolve the conditioning, gently bring this ego back into right relationship with itself, and reconnect with our essential nature.

One way is to follow your Human Design Type and Strategy. As I mentioned above, by recognizing that I’m a Projector and my friend is a Generator, I can step back and detach from that anxious ego that worries I should be able to work hard and produce results on demand. I like to imagine gently patting my ego on the head and saying “You can relax, I’ve got this.” When I remember who I am, I also relax and allow my essential nature to attract to me everything I need. This can include the inspiration to write this blog!

Taking it to a deeper level…. your Human Design chart also reveals how open and ‘condition-able’ you are. When you work with a skilled Human Design specialist, you can learn how to decondition all those ‘not self’ patterns and beliefs, and come even more into the ease and flow of your true nature.

To bring this piece of writing to a close, I’d like to borrow a metaphor from my wonderful Human Design teacher, Karen Curry Parker: We are all pieces of a huge jigsaw puzzle called Humanity. Each one of us is unique and an essential part of the whole. We are ALL connected and ALL necessary, JUST THE WAY WE ARE. We are designed to live and flourish as our unique essential nature.


Ready to learn more? I invite you to obtain your Human Design chart, for FREE, and with that, a copy of my book, Ignite Your Vitality using Human Design. After you’ve practiced your Type and Strategy for a while, you’ll be ready for a full Human Design.

This catalytic session will show how to decondition your ‘not self’ and allow the intricate elements of your chart to work together to express your essential nature! Feel free to schedule an appointment with me, or ask me to direct you to a website where you can select another specialist who feels right for you.